Insight from a Psychotherapist: How to comfort someone who is grieving.

Say nothing. Don’t send a text. Or a card. No flowers needed.

At least not for a month, maybe two.

If you really want to express your condolences sincerely, and in a way that will be best received by the bereaved; set a reminder to follow up with them a month and six months after the date of death.

I promise you they’ll be thinking about their loved one. You won’t upset them. Somehow, after the shock and paperwork wears off, what I’ve come to understand is this obvious fact: Everything just goes on. As if nothing has changed. No one else seems to remember that one’s entire solar system has lost its brightest star. That’s the universe of the bereaved now and hopefully you’re not there, too.

After the death, those first few days and weeks are a blur. Although appreciated and welcomed, the outpouring of messages, meals, cards and concerns are overwhelming and only half heard.

It is the months that follow. In the passing of firsts; Christmas, an anniversary, a movie trailer of something you know they really wanted to watch. We look around and no one is there. Grief can be so lonely. Often it is the person we have lost that we want to speak to the most.

So, in my opinion, if you really want to make an impact, unless you are immediate biological or chosen family, just wait. Set a reminder and express a memory or a kind word about their loved one then. It will mean so much. I know that now.